(R)eject and rewind

In addition to all the things I already didn't get (numerous jokes, the euro zone crisis, engaged...) I also didn't get an e-mail verifying I'd made the next round of that elusive training I told you about earlier. Instead I did get another awkward "thank you for your interest BUT..."- email. 

I've had so many of those there surely must be some supersaver package deal: collect 4 and get the 5th for free?? Ok, ok, deep breaths... (and another drag of Marlboro...) I do have that new, positive approach to apply. 

So this clearly wasn't meant to be. That I can understand-it was the diplomat training after all. And while a lot can be said about me political correctness or diplomatic disposition are probably not in the top 500. On the other hand I'm not selective when it comes to my verbal missiles- I'm an equal opportunity offender! And as far as diplomacy and negotiation skills go... had I those, I probably wouldn't go around issuing poorly timed ultimatums/ proposals...

In many ways I do share my friends' and colleagues' views on how those jobs seem to serve as sheltered jobs for those who are not even expected to be aware of the reality outside their chauffeur-driven existence. After all, I've witnessed it first hand. While I was having demonstrators shot to death outside my building, in my ambassador's ivory tower was business as usual. She never lost that Arab Spring in her steps...

What really bugs me is not having something I really wanted snatched away. It's the disappointment of still not quite knowing what it is that I want. I trusted in some kind of a divine guidance: that getting in would be enough for me to find certainty- sense of "this is what I want".


I once a read about a guy who was convinced he wanted to be an architect. He'd been turning up at the entrance exams for 9 years, having almost completed MA in Theology in the meanwhile. And still... he just wanted to be an architect.

I still don't have that. And I don't have much longer. I've got another 1,5 months of this internship... but after that, I really need to find a job. But the question remains...where?