I'd just finished reading an article on whether cohabiting before marriage (living together and sort of slipping into marriage because it's "the next logical thing to do") actually increases the chances of a divorce and was feeling all the more confident I had made the right choice by walking away from a relationship with a man who didn't want to commit. I don't want marriage to be something people slip into. It should be a conscious choice that they've pursued; a choice they make with every intention of making it last.
And as I'm smugly parading on my soap box, who calls? The Man. I'd told him I can't go on being toyed like this anymore and that apparently was what was needed to gear him into action. For the first time we actually talked.
He had been surprised to get an e-mail from mys sister. But pleasantly so as he'd lacked the courage to get in touch with me. He's also been at the receiving end of a lecture from his mother: one of those good old-fashioned "you're not getting any younger"- bashings.
He is struggling. Financially and with the stress of this work thing not working out. They've been trying to close the deal with the customer for over 2 years now. He hasn't had much energy to focus on anything else and as much as I hate myself for saying this, I understand. I hate the financial situation I find myself now, having quit a job that paid well. My life should not be taking steps backwards, not at this point of my life. So, for someone of that age and standing... it must be killing him.
He also admitted commitment scares him shitless. Can't explain why though, as he doesn't have problems committing to things other than humans (his chosen brand of hi-fi, his career, 3 mortgages...).
He says doesn't want to hurt me. And he doesn't want to toy with me. He is sorry for the beating my little heart has already endured and doesn't want me to go through all that again. But he understands my (and my friends') concern and need to protect myself. He just asks me not to give up on us. He says he's sure we can work things out.
What does one say to that?
I'd probably say something along the lines of "less talk, more action". But then again, I'm in a bitchy mood after reading that article, as it was classic Daily Fail drivel. Yes, no one should marry unless they really want to, but I don't know anyone who "fell into" marriage, even if they lived together before it.
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