Life is a battlefield

I don't have a job, love or money. I don't really have anything. But this blog and the wayward steps down the memory lane have made me realize exactly what I've had to get through to get to this point. What we all go through in life, really.

Looking back part of me can't believe I'm only 33. I've crawled through eating disorders, bouts of depression, self-harming and suicidal periods. I've witnessed war, evacuation, occupation and revolution. 

There have been part-time jobs, temporary jobs, jobs I hated, jobs where I was hated, first jobs, permanent jobs, jobs that came with the staff discount (that pretty much trashed the whole idea of actually making any money...), jobs I hated but loved the colleagues, job I was let go from, jobs I quit and jobs I was never even offered. 

Then there have been the haircuts. I've had short hair, long hair, dark hair, red hair, stripey hair, bleached hair and now, highlighted, carefully maintained barely-there hair.

And there have been men... Dates (many firsts there), boyfriends, one-night-stands (well, one one-night-stand that I ended dating  so I suppose even that one doesn't count...), a fiancé, long-distance lovers, lunatic lovers... There have been break-ups so debilitating I genuinely thought my heart would stop from the sheer pain. There have been break-ups I still don't remember anything about. 

At times life has been pretty brutal. 

Yet somehow I've managed to come out the other end, still standing. A lot of the credit goes to my friends. I wouldn't have been able to pull through if it hadn't been for them. 

So... perhaps I'll get through this dark phase in my life too? Perhaps there will be light at the end of this tunnel?


That would, obviously, require stopping living in the memories and focusing on the future. And that, as has become evident, is easier said than done...