Breaking the (dry) spell

It's been over 4 months since I last saw The Man. Those 40 years of wandering in the desert had nothing on this dry spell... Calling all fairy godmothers out there to break this dry spell! (Though... "fairies" have turned out to be rather useless at that enterprise before...!)

Things have reached a point where I've been having raunchy dreams featuring no, not The Man and not even Sasha Baron Cohen, but Shah Rukh Khan. A Pakistani Muslim actor in his fifties; a devoted husband and father of 2. How's that for embarrassing?? It doesn't take a Sigmund Freud to figure out what I need...

As much as I ... appreciate Mr. Khan's acting abilities (in their juvenile predictability and blatant overdoing they are spectacular. And just wait until you've seen him die... That truly is nothing short of legendary.) 

I'd rather not see him in a genre usually domain of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. By accident, of course. I'd never even dream of insinuating they deliberately leaked the tapes to the press through strategically placed PR-people in order to keep their 15 minutes going...

But I'll tell you- it was a gooood dream. I have had sex in 3D (as in with an actual person) and this was way better than some of those times. Just thinking about it actually makes me blush...

Remember how The Man begged me not to give up on us? That was over a week ago. Haven't heard anything since, so what exactly is he asking me not to give up on? Full frontal nudity sure doesn't seem to feature on that list...

What am I going to do? I can't see myself having a one-night-stand. I don't have friendships with benefits. I'm not ready to embark on another long-term relationship just for the sake of... that. I'd probably need a manual to get re-started again. But I can't keep going on like this for much longer. 

And anyway, when the time comes for me to get slutty again, at least I can do it with a bit of class: Louis Vuitton has launched their own condoms!!! Now that you just couldn't make up...