Don't dream it's over

I got chatting with the chef who's been outrageously flirty over the past years, the one who invited me to his place in Spain. Even he has found a girlfriend. They're blissfully happy apparently, "talking, spending time and making love all the time", so now we "can just be friends". Oh. Ok then. And as a friend he feels he needs to share some home truths about The Man.

According to him The Man never really loved me or respected me- that became evident as he observed us together. I find his comments a bit rich, considering how he never particularly respected my love for The Man. What I don't understand though is why he'd feel the need to say that kind of things now that we're no longer together and he's not even trying to get in my knickers.

I probably shouldn't put too much weight on his opinions but they still hurt. I had a dream afterwards where I, driving with my parents, spotted The Man on the street, talking on the phone. I don't remember if he saw me in the car (and in other words, was aware of us being in the same city) but in the dream he called me and kept making lackluster excuses as to why we couldn't see each other but telling how maybe in a few weeks he might have time. I woke up feeling so inconsolable. 

Even my own dreams are taking the piss. Even after the break-up The Man's still keeping me at arms  length.

The morning after the psychic had been in touch again, informing me that the night before I had entered a new cycle in my life. What exactly, I'd like to know. One of more misery? More despair? I sure feel like I've been through apocalypse... Of course she's more than willing to tell me exactly how to avoid  making bad decisions during this new era, provided a reasonable contribution is made.

A reinvention might be in order though. Don't worry, I have no intention of pulling a full-blown Madonna though (that would drive the local bars and pizza places into bankruptcy), but some adjustments are in order- not least because of a new hidden camera show called Taxi. They basically film ordinary people (inevitably displaying variety of degrees of drunkenness) and put them on TV. Considering my average weekly taxi (and alcohol) consumption what are the chances of me not ending on one of those episodes?

Weekends are the worst. I still keep dreaming that on the way back from Asia he'll have that stop over in my country and he'll come and see me.  

What is the definition of being over someone? Not hurting anymore? Being ready to give someone else a chance? Knowing that you wouldn't take the other person back in a heartbeat,  should that even become an option? In that case, I'm nowhere near it. I love The Man. And want to keep loving him for the rest of my life...