Can't move on, won't move on

In a bid to get out into the world I actually agreed to meet the old man and his dog for a drink. And yes, the dog meant K9. No KY needed. He'd just returned from one trip and was getting ready for another. Apparently he cruises a lot. In both meanings of the word. The following trip is a singles cruise on the Bahamas. 

The Man's mum spends most of the year (and most of The Man's inheritance) cruising around the world. When I first met the old man, I thought the two of them should be set up. He on other hand clearly has his sights set on someone significantly younger. Me.

He, fully aware I'd just broken up with The Man and was nursing a very broken heart, invited me over to his place. For a Balinese oil massage and sauna. WTF?

Does he really suck that bad at reading a situation? Or do I send out slutty vibes? Obviously I politely declined and refuse to answer any of his calls. I might have to find myself another local too. And maybe move out of the neighbourhood to avoid ever running into him again. And rip my corneas out in order to erase the image of his lewd stare.

I can't imagine moving on. Starting over with someone new. I just can't. I'm not thrilled about the first flush of a new crush. I crave the kind of familiarity you have with someone you've been with for years. I find that exciting. It's in that kind of context I find myself able to let go which then translates to Balinese oil massages and sauna sessions. 

I know it's still early days and I need to give myself time but after giving The Man so much time I don't know if I have any left. I just honestly can't imagine not being in love with him. Frankly I don't even want to.

It's been 2 weeks since the least e-mail. I've resisted the temptation to write to him. But I talk to him every day. Out loud. To his picture. 

Time to make the transition from straight-laced to straitjacket? After all, after the recent shopping spree that is probably the only jacket I don't yet have...