The blog has just gone past the first 1000 views. I'm humbled by the fact that there are people out there taking time to read my ramblings. ("Why?" asked a friend of mine. A FRIEND. "Don't they have jobs to go to?")
I'm also grateful for all the comments and messages I've had. They've been wonderful and supportive. Just wish I could occasionally write about happier events, but no. I haven't magically lost 20 kilos overnight and Sasha Baron Cohen is still happily married and not returning my calls (I just know we belong together).
Workwise I'm feeling a little bit more hopeful. I've applied for a couple of promising jobs, so now I'll just hope for the best - until that awkward e-mail lands in my inbox to crush those dreams. I've had about three of those e-mails this week alone. On a more positive note, I've been informed that I've made the second round of the selection process of a notoriously difficult-to-get-to training. One phase down, 3 more to go...
They advised the candidates to prepare for the next round by staying up-to-date on current affairs;domestic and international. And that means bringing out the big guns. Out with Daily Mail and in with the Daily Telegraph. I'm knackered. Turned out I have no interest in the economy, science, technology, environment, sports or culture. There's a chance I might be a bit of a retard.Which sort of begs the question- Why did I apply to begin with?
I just wish I could share all the good news with The Man. He always believed in me. If things finally start working out (knock, knock) and I finally get to start building a life... it's saddening to know that I'll be building it alone.
Initially I thought this blog might enable me to write him out of my head and at the very least stop me from writing to him. Well, the latter is true, but occasionally I still find myself ravaged by doubt. Should you allow something like ego or pride (or dignity or sense of self-worth?) get in the way of pursuing something as precious as love? Am I going to look back (old, wrinkly and saggy all over) one day and wish I'd done more to stop him from slipping away? When should one stop and, in the words of that guy in love with Keira Knightley on Love Actually, sigh and acknowledge: that's enough.
The fact is that I'm still not ready to accept that this really might be it; that he is never going to make any kind of gesture (big or small, 2,5- carat or not...) towards bringing our lives back together. I wonder: is this blog even about letting go of him? Or am I just erecting a cenotaph on the still smoking ruins of our relationship? Merely resuscitating a corpse that has already died ?
I'm also grateful for all the comments and messages I've had. They've been wonderful and supportive. Just wish I could occasionally write about happier events, but no. I haven't magically lost 20 kilos overnight and Sasha Baron Cohen is still happily married and not returning my calls (I just know we belong together).
Workwise I'm feeling a little bit more hopeful. I've applied for a couple of promising jobs, so now I'll just hope for the best - until that awkward e-mail lands in my inbox to crush those dreams. I've had about three of those e-mails this week alone. On a more positive note, I've been informed that I've made the second round of the selection process of a notoriously difficult-to-get-to training. One phase down, 3 more to go...
They advised the candidates to prepare for the next round by staying up-to-date on current affairs;domestic and international. And that means bringing out the big guns. Out with Daily Mail and in with the Daily Telegraph. I'm knackered. Turned out I have no interest in the economy, science, technology, environment, sports or culture. There's a chance I might be a bit of a retard.Which sort of begs the question- Why did I apply to begin with?
I just wish I could share all the good news with The Man. He always believed in me. If things finally start working out (knock, knock) and I finally get to start building a life... it's saddening to know that I'll be building it alone.
Initially I thought this blog might enable me to write him out of my head and at the very least stop me from writing to him. Well, the latter is true, but occasionally I still find myself ravaged by doubt. Should you allow something like ego or pride (or dignity or sense of self-worth?) get in the way of pursuing something as precious as love? Am I going to look back (old, wrinkly and saggy all over) one day and wish I'd done more to stop him from slipping away? When should one stop and, in the words of that guy in love with Keira Knightley on Love Actually, sigh and acknowledge: that's enough.
The fact is that I'm still not ready to accept that this really might be it; that he is never going to make any kind of gesture (big or small, 2,5- carat or not...) towards bringing our lives back together. I wonder: is this blog even about letting go of him? Or am I just erecting a cenotaph on the still smoking ruins of our relationship? Merely resuscitating a corpse that has already died ?
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