These boots are made for walking

I decided to return The Man's birthday present and use the money on myself instead. Like on...drum roll please... footwear.

I found the boots I've been looking for. Now if only I had someone to walk all over in them...

I have that weekend trip coming up. The hard work is done: I've managed to secure reservation in the restaurants that made the cut this time. Oh, I can't think of anything more therapeutic to look forward to than a dinner at a romantic wine bar. Alone. After a night at the ballet. Alone. 

When, in about 27 years time, I'm ready to start over, where am I even going to find suitable men? I'm not a big fan of divorcees (bitter divorces, alimonies, custody battles, kids who'll hate me, ex-wives who'll hate me even more) and the idea of widowers isn't much more appealing (ex-wives on pedestals, setting expectations I can never live up to and in worst case scenario, kids who'll hate me anyway). But what are the chances of finding someone of suitable age (late 30s to late 40s) who hasn't been married yet isn't pathologically against it?? After all, I have just wasted 7 years on a man who doesn't believe in marriage, yet had no problem proposing to 2 of his ex-girlfriends.

The way I see it I have four options: 

1. Marry an Amish. They believe in marriage. Though an obvious problem with this option is the fact that they are rarely Jews. And the only unmarried ones tend to be under 17.
2. Marry one of those asylum seekers. There aren't many aphrodisiacs stronger than a Schengen visa.

3. Find a man who has amicably divorced from ex-wife because she turned out to be lesbian. We'd all get along and get together for brunches and screenings for weird European films.

4. Find a man who's spent the last 2 decades in a coma. Provided he's made a full recovery and regained control of his bladder. 

Since I don't have too many years to invest in this project, I think I'll jump straight into option #4. Though wondering around the coma ward all dressed to the nines seems like a bizarre scenario.

Nurse: "Excuse me, Miss, but these premises are for staff only"

Me: "Oh,it's ok- I'm just on the pull"