The end is nigh

During this 10-period it is customary to seek forgiveness for all of our transgressions this past year. And if you really left it this late... dude. There aren't enough hours in the day.Bashar al-Assad, are you listening? I think you just might have some explaining to do...

Since God can only forgive the sins committed against him/her, for acts committed against our fellow man we must seek forgiveness from them. 

So, here's my list. In non-specific order.

I'm sorry for not being a better friend. I should have made more time for you (let's face it- that's one thing I do have) and called more often to let you know how special you are to me. And if I did call, I'm sorry for that too as it was probably at 3am.

I'm sorry for not being a better, more patient and supportive girlfriend. I know situation right now is bad to a point of gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, mind-blowing misery. But you know what, you could give us both something nice to look forward to. So get down on one knee while you still can. After that hip-replacement surgery it'll probably be too late.

I'm sorry for not being a better daughter. Often when I see you call, I text you I'm in a library and can't talk. Obviously that's not true. As a result of my late fees I'm blacklisted in every library I've ever been to. But really, I just couldn't bear the thought of being dragged into your mess again. My friends think you'd make for a great sit-com. I think you just do my head in. Every single one of you. And if I genuinely need to start reading to avoid your drama, I will. Unless it comes out on DVD. 

I'm sorry for hanging up on all you telesales people. I just really don't need a subscription to "World of Technology" and I really can't afford to join the "new socks delivered to your doorstep each week"- club. It's kind of ironic though, as soon I'll probably have to give in and try your job myself. How's that for karma, bitch?

I'm sorry for not giving money to all you Romanian beggars on the streets. I just have a horrible feeling it would end up in the pockets of your local mafiosos. I read Daily Mail, you know. I've seen how they live. Plus, even if I did, you wouldn't use it on toothpaste anyway. And trust me, you really should.

And to all you animals: I'm sorry I'm not a vegetarian. I know the world can't sustain this much carnivores, that the meat industry is bad for the environment and that meat is murder and a fundamental breach of their right to live happily ever after, skipping and hopping in the meadows and dating a man who won't propose. But if you guys weren't meant to eaten, how come you were made out of meat? And let's face it, you do taste best when you're dead. And really, I'm a huuuge fan of animals! I regularly wear then around my neck too! And as far as endangered, exotic species go, that snakeskin clutch of mine looks a lot better in my hand than I would have looked like in that snake's belly.

And I should probably apologize to the rain forests too. My smoking causes them to be cut down and they are the lungs of the world that I have no right to casually destroy in a process of destroying my own lungs. I mean, where would those half-naked indigenous midgets go then? It's not like JCrew ships there, so we can't just leave them schlepping in the nude! And without the rain forests, where on earth would the scientists discover all those exotic plants from which to extract all those amazing things for all those wonderful products on shopping network?

Oh how I feel like a better person already!