This blog will be celebrating her 5 month-anniversary later this month. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the God, the Academy... and of course, all you readers out there. 14 countries and over 5900 hits. I think it's safe to assume that by now, one way or another my Tourette-like writing has offended each and every one of you. Thank you for bearing with me anyway.
A special thanks to the followers and for all the lovely comments- keep them coming!
Now, in order to guarantee maximum exposure (I have warned you, there's no stopping me now. It's either going to be world domination or a book deal), I looked up the most popular search words for internet searches to make sure even more people (with or without the intention) will find their way here. And in the name of customer satisfaction I have also included a description of all those search words to help all those hapless individuals out there that felt the need to google them to begin with.
So, here goes.
1. Sex
A physical activity aiming at particular type of physical pleasure. Can involve just one person, usually, however 2. And sometimes,more. Occasionally many,many more. Especially when done in the company of other people (especially those of the opposite sex) and without any precautions, this can result in bloating, swollen ankles, regular nausea, back ache and eventually, in 9 months, hours and hours of hellish agony. Protracted by further 20-24 years of forced cohabitation and miserable coexistence.
2. Porn
A form of audiovisual entertainment, specialized in depicting the previous activity. Primary learning tool for adolescent men everywhere, unfortunately usually resulting in lack of any real skills when put to actual use. Another well-documented side effect of this obliviousness is confusion when a woman doesn't automatically reach the height of her physical pleasure the moment a guy shoots his cum all over her face, when all of a sudden another woman fails to turn up for the token lesbian scene and when some of the activities detailed in the material turn out to be physically downright impossible.
3. Free porn
Same as before, only this one you get without maxing out your credit card. You sucker.
4. Hentai
Now, this I had to google myself (the lengths I'm willing to go to keep my readers happy...) And, not so surprisingly this too is porn. Only Japanese kind comics-style porn. Which isn't too comical in that it often features underage-looking girls, body hair that was extinct in Western porn in 80's and activities and emissions Western porn has yet to introduce.
5. Pussy
One of the main areas of a woman's body that the activities listed in... well, every single one of the entries so far center around. Unlike the male equivalent, this is discreetly hidden from the sight and is not usually paraded around as a drunken dare.
6. Boobs
Another heavily featured female body part. Differs from the previous in that these usually come in pairs. Eventually the end result of just one careless 7 minutes of fun listed in the first entry literally sucks them dry by which point the woman loses her confidence and the man his interest in the woman. HAH! Not so funny now is it?! Can also be surgically enhanced with pricey injections of a substance traditionally used in construction sites.
7. MILF
After the above mentioned surgical procedure the woman gets her mojo back, dumps the idiot of a husband and becomes specimen of this sub-category of women. To much delight of those adolescent boys, desperate to impress with their new skills (aren't they in for a lesson...!)
8. Paris Hilton
You choose. Can either refer to a luxury hotel in the most romantic city in the world or to a billionaire heiress whose only discernible talent is looking perpetually bored and skinny, even when having 1. and filming her own 2.
There you have it. The most popular internet searches explained. You really are a sad bunch of pervs, aren't you?
Well, thank you for your visit and...ahem... do come again!
Is it bad that I didn't have to google what number 4 means?
ReplyDeletenot necessarily. it can also mean that you're worldly, eccentric, knowledgeable, quirky, well-informed and/or cultured. but, most likely you are a bit of a weirdo :-)
ReplyDeleteOr then it's the influence my nerdy, forum-frequenting Yorkshireman's had on me ;)
ReplyDelete