The break-up take 2

So... here we go again. Right back where we started. And none the wiser. 7 months since the last break-up and we're broken again. 

I look back, full of disbelief. In the past 7 months we've seen each other twice. TWICE! For a long weekend in Stockholm and then for a week and a half in Spain. And even after 7 years together, we were still in a place where I never even knew when I was going to see him again. And I'm unreasonable?

I never should have given The Man that second chance. I never should have settled for anything other than proposal. If he genuinely understood why we broke up the last time around; that I could not and would not give up on marriage... then he would have had the decency to propose. 

Even without the proposal I genuinely thought he understood me, that he had finally changed his mind about the big M? But no, for him it's still M for murder.

So...what if that's exactly what he thought about me? That I had changed mine?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!

I really thought this was it- otherwise I would have not put myself through this again. I honestly didn't think I'd survive another break-up with him. But here we go, limping along. Roadkill on the highway of love.

This time around though I'm not going to lock myself up for months. I've done that once already. This time it took me 2 hours to delete all his phone numbers, erase all his text messages and block his Skype profile. In the next 4 hours I'd already moved on to over-eating, over-shopping and anger.

HOW DARE HE DO THIS TO ME AGAIN? HOW DARE HE STRING ME ALONG LIKE THIS? HOW DARE HE SAY THINGS LIKE "IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH; FOR BETTER AND FOR WORSE- OF COURSE I WANT THAT WITH YOU" WHEN HE'S FULLY AWARE HE'S NEVER GOING TO COMMIT?

HOW DARE HE PROMISE WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS AND BE TOGETHER WHEN THE ONE PROMISE THAT WOULD COUNT HE'S NOT WILLING TO MAKE?

Right. So, that's sadness, cutting off, over-eating, over-shopping and fury done. Next stop: Oktoberfest.

Then I just might muster the strength to change the Facebook relationship status. Again.