This year I've spent more time with my family than ever before. When I was at my sister's, we went through photos from the years gone by and I ended up pointing to a slender redhead, puzzled, asking my sister who it was. She gave me a strange look and told me it was me. No, this is not going to be a lecture about the effects on long-term memory by long-term drinking or a chronicle about the VERY early onset of Alzheimer. I genuinely didn't recognize myself- that's how much I've changed.
The Christmas party season and the numerous get-togethers with my friends have provided plenty of new material for all sorts of dubious Facebook pages. And I've looked at them with equal amount of disbelief. Who is that girl? That's not how I remembered/ thought/ hoped I looked. Luckily (?) in some snaps the attention is immediately drawn to my ample cleavage that my GBFF cant't get enough of. But in the rest there's nothing to disguise the fact that where other people by now have finally lost puppy fat, I on the other hand seems to have acquired a whole new layer of fully-grown bitch fat.
My head simply looks enormous. You know the mysteries that have riddled mankind , generation after generation? The treasure of Atlantis? Jimmy Hoffa's body? Whether or not Osama bin Laden actually is dead? Well, have I got news for you! There's a good chance they're all hiding in my cheeks.
Is this what it's going to be from now on? Endless, ever accelerating downhill? I never thought I had looks but it's getting increasingly evident that I'm definitely losing them! And if even Kylie Minogue has admitted she's struggling with the gravity taking over and is afraid of looking in the mirror... Dear me. Then again, equally reliable sources tell that she's also afraid of coat hangers. At least my phobias are rational ones- such as the fear of clowns, balloons, rubber bands and midgets.
Going back up North is always strange in other ways as well. In a way I regress to the person I was when living there- with the same cliques, hangups and insecurities. Therefore it's so weird to go to bars and bump into people I went to school with; people I haven't seen since- people who never left. They come up to me and start chatting me up and I don't even remember them. We always moved in different circles and I therefore had to ask how come they remembered me. And then to see the baffled look in their face when they utter "well, of course we do- you were always the hot one".
When I look back I felt everything but. And now I especially don't feel hot. I suppose it's what I've been telling The Man all along- that instead of looking back at his old pictures (Crikey-he was smoking!) and wishing he could be that person again he should celebrate the person and the looks he has today as in 20 years time he'll be looking back at the pictures taken now, wishing he'd been grateful now as the person he'll be then would give anything to have his looks today.
Perhaps that's the same approach I, too, should employ. That, and maybe a little bit of Pilates...
I was watching Anthony Bourdain's "Layover"-show the other day, and as he was in LA, he talked about how all the celebs have massive heads in comparison to the rest of them. So if you have a big head, it's only because all the celebs have massive noggins too, and you're just really trendy in that respect ;)
ReplyDeleteHowever, my opinion may well be influenced by the fact that I'm also of the large head persuasion (so much so in fact, that a doctor who used to treat me as a kid actually got worried by it, and only realised it was not something to worry about once he realised my parents and siblings also have big heads)...