Warning: The following blog post contains blasphemic elements along with possible copyright violations. Reader/ viewer discretion is adviced if not damn right encouraged.
I have many fond memories of my time in ulpan, a Hebrew language school I attended on a couple of occasions in Israel. Some, not so heart-warmingly fuzzy ones include war, evacuation and sitting in the bomb shelters for hours on end (though, fuelled with the cheapest Russian vodka the campus supermarket stocked and the choreography to Kool and the Gang's "Celebration" that room went from panic room to fun room in no time...)
I have many fond memories of my time in ulpan, a Hebrew language school I attended on a couple of occasions in Israel. Some, not so heart-warmingly fuzzy ones include war, evacuation and sitting in the bomb shelters for hours on end (though, fuelled with the cheapest Russian vodka the campus supermarket stocked and the choreography to Kool and the Gang's "Celebration" that room went from panic room to fun room in no time...)
I had always wanted to visit Lebanon (not crazy about their politics, but even more so about their food). So far I've not been able to go there (turned out they're not too crazy about Israeli policies either which means no entry into the country for anyone with Israeli stamp on their passport), but Hezbollah paid Israel a visit when I was studying there. There's nothing to nurture one's sense of politically incorrect humour than war. One night I was at my friend's balcony, drinking tea (Guess his nationality- the world around is crumbling down and what does he do? Offers to "make a cuppa") with the sound of bombings on the background.
"Oh, daaahhhling, what is that dreadful noise?" I asked him.
"Oh, I do believe it is the war", he replied, equally unruffled.
"Oh, how very tedious", I commented, "couldn't they conduct their warfare in a more civilized manner- we're trying to have tea over here after all!"
But I have very fond memories about trading Jesus jokes to Jewish American Princess jokes. That is always good fun, until you reduce the token hard core Christian from Midwest to tears...
But in the spirit of Christmas- here you go! My gift to you is my gift of gab.
Jesus loves you. How much?
(now the narrator spreads her/ his arms out straight and says:) "This much".
Why do girls love Jesus?
(now the narrator spreads her/ his arms out straight and says:) "Because he's hung like this."
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the actual Crucufixion? It only takes a day to hang the picture.
Politically incorrect, yes.
Appropriate for this hallowed time of year? Probably not.
But funny? Hell, yes!
Happy Christmas everyone (and May Santa bring you better gifts than this post...)!!!
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