I know, I know. I know some of you firmly disapprove of my recent choice to agree to meet The Man, but please understand that it's something I have to do.
He might make me miserable, but being without him makes me even more so. Together we might drive each other crazy, but alone we drive ourselves crazy.
I don't know what to expect, but I trust I'll be wiser next week. And you'll be the first ones to know exactly how much wiser.
I need this rendez-vous, if only to figure out if there really is something there. And to see if he has figured out...well, anything.
I do realize that even if this situation might be new and even if this might be the beginning of something new, we as persons are still the same old. As are our respective needs. And of course that worries me. Do we really have what it takes to make a fresh start?
And here's something I've been thinking about: if we do manage to start anew should I tell The Man about this blog? Would he understand this is my way of processing things or would this, to him, just be a verbal equivalent of public flogging in Kabul football stadium?
As this anticipation and anxiety was already making me nauseous, I decided to try not smoking for a while as that only seemed to aggravate things. If he's ready to try new things, perhaps so should I...
So, fingers crossed. Let's hope for the best and... stop it right there.
I'll keep my fingers crossed over the weekend. I would hate to see the Man hurt you again, so hopefully it'll be a good weekend, at whatever level.
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