Deadly sins part 1 : Envy

Jealousy,envy and bitterness make a terrible threesome. Yet there they are, on my speed-dial.


As much as I love my friends (and I do) and how they've been there for me through the thick and thin (no, I'm not referring to my waistline) I'm not sure anyone fully understands exactly how hard I try to be happy for them (as they truly deserve all the happiness they can get). I just can't seem to be able to shake off that nasty creature eating its way through me: the Enormous Envy. They all have something I thought I'd have by now. Like jobs- jobs that they trained for. Ones with responsibility, prospects and pay rises. Meanwhile I'm loading the dish washer and fighting with the printer as an unpaid intern.

And then there are the husbands.Their lovely, handsome, loving husbands.

Let me tell you: there aren't many things that make as much obnoxious noise as yet another wedding invitation falling through the letterbox reminding you that yes, you are indeed the only one still left on the shelf. I've missed every single one of the nuptials.  I've dodged the bullet by making a habit of  hiding somewhere in Middle East; literally dodging bullets at times. The lengths one is willing to go just to avoid a free bar and groom's still single, rugby-playing friends...

Real estate is another. While my friends and their brand new husbands are sorting out mortgages and buying spacious dreamy flats and renovating kitchens where they host dinner parties for other friends with husbands I rent a tiny flat that I can't afford and that isn't even big enough for my shoes, let alone for me. The only events hosted there are after parties at 6am when all the respectable people are already fast asleep next to their significant others, worn out by marital bliss and not tequila slammers. They live close to good schools and have views overlooking luscious parks. I live across the street from a 24/7 petrol station that supplies the 6am party essentials and have a view overlooking the crematory chimney. 

When they come home after a hard day at the office, they see people they love. I see dead people, going up in smoke. My friends have neighbours who invite them over for wine and gossip. In the 7 years I've lived in my building, I've only ever met three of the neighbours. One mistook my gorgeous vintage brocade evening jacket for a role playing outfit ( no, not the "oh, what seems to be the problem, officer?"- kind or role playing. Think of papiermache-sword-wielding nerds running around in the woods) . Another is a creepy poet that once took part in one of those tacky dating shows ( the first one to be booted off) . Third goes to bed every night wishing she didn't wake up in the morning (well, at least I know where to go for mentoring once my own drama queen engine runs out of steam...) And, judging by the way my career is panning out, there's a good chance I'll never get on the property ladder. 

Apparently envy and bitterness truly are bad for you- they actually dramatically decrease one's life expectancy. Happy people live, like, 10 years longer! So, when you factor that into my current life expectancy, already cut back by another smoking-related 10 years... I just might make it to 50. Which , apparently, is the new 30 anyway.

Whoops. I completely forgot: envy is also one of the deadly sins. Maybe God will smite me? Let's just hope it won't happen tonight as I have a dinner reservation.