Breaking up in the 21st century

It's been a while since I’ve broken up with anyone. Such a long while that I’d almost forgotten the pain I had to crawl through to get over that guy. But not long enough for me to come in terms with the fact that part of me will always be just a little bit in love with him too. Oh, boy. Oy, vey.

And now even he has a girlfriend. How do I know this? Because after half a bottle of my new best Riojan friend I found myself ogling his Facebook profile. Luckily after another half a bottle I had the decency to remove him from my Facebook friends, to save myself from any future hurt and humiliation brought on by comments one tends to leave (drunk) on people-you-should-not-even-be-ogling’s profiles only to forget you-ever-left-them-to-begin-with. Let me just tell you this: the new girlfriend (Yes, of course I ogled her as well- what did you expect?) doesn’t look like the kind of girl he’d take home to meet his twinset-clad, Hermés- accessorized mother…not with her penchant for ghetto earrings...

What I do remember, however, is that last time the breaking up was nowhere near this technologically demanding. These days you have to block their Skype-names, erase their text messages, delete their phone numbers, file away their e-mails, unfriend them on Facebook, change your FB relationship status… the list just goes on. That’s bloody hard work, I’ll tell you, even if you’re  not quite as computerally challenged as I am. (Seriously. Think of a blind-folded retarded Korean-speaking illiterate fruit fly. THAT'S how useless I am.) Especially seeing how you’re uncontrollably sobbing and shaking throughout the process in a way that inevitably compromises your hand-eye coordination. And in the end you realize you’ve blocked your Nan and instead poured your heart out in an e-mail to The Very Bastard Who Turned Down Your Proposal.

All that is bound to give one a massive headache. Especially the sobbing bit. And you know what? After months of crying you’d expect the dehydration to have already resulted in a Kate Moss-like physique-but no... that too is something clearly yet to happen...