Charity starts at home

I’ve started (yet another unpaid) internship. At (yet another) NGO. See, I’m a good, charitable person!

I genuinely want to do my bit in making the world a better place. And world, let’s face it, is a dreadful place. Just about everywhere you look, children are being kidnapped and drugged up to their eyeballs and recruited into rebel armies. Girls are being mutilated in the name of misogynist ignorance. People’s life savings are being swindled by overweight bankers with monogrammed slippers. Homes are being washed into the sea because of tsunamis and hurricanes and other Oprah-mobilizing forces of nature. A third of the world is starving to death and instead of evoking sympathy, they are perversely evoking new looks for the Fashion Weeks.

And then there are the global warming and euro-zone crisis. (Everyone’s talking about them, so I guess they must be true even though I don’t really understand either. I mean, the weather isn’t getting any warmer- I still have to travel to Spain for a tan. And as for the euro crisis, why did they let a nation of poor, lazy tax-evaders into the EU to begin with?!) World is a bloody awful place.

But I’m trying. I do voluntary work!  I do advocacy! I give to charity, and not just money but also unworn clothes from Burberry! I recycle! (well, I don’t actually, but at least I know I should!) I force-feed homeless drunks (too cold for pigeons here) ! And I give people, who practically qualify for a free bus pas ( that means they’re like, really old), experiences they’d otherwise have to read about on Penthouse Letters! See, I’M A GOOD PERSON!

The guy who played Mr. Big just got married. Even Justin Timberlake got over his “not-ready-for-commitment” phase and is getting married. Hell, even Hitler found someone to marry him! Why not then me? Did you know that last year alone I accidentally found myself on the scene of 4 proposals? Four! The one on the Roman Holiday with TMWSMHAETDMP (The Man Who Stole My Heart And Eventually Turned Down My Proposal- I really must come up with something catchier… from now on I’ll just refer to him as The Man) was the most painful one. Until I saw the ring, that is. It came from Argos.

While I’m truly worried about the future of the world, I’m also puzzled by the way happiness gets scattered around in a lottery-like manner. I deserve better, right? I deserve some of that happiness! That’s what all my friends tell me and I’m sure they are only saying it because they genuinely mean it- not in the way those contestant on all those talent show have been told by their parents they can sing when their lack of talent is heart-breakingly obvious to everybody else within earshot.

I do feel guilty about being this consumed by bitterness- it’s like sticking one's finger to God. I want to be patient and I want to keep on believing that He has a plan for me too. I’m just getting a bit tired of all this waiting and hoping…

So, here goes.

Dear God, it’s me.

I know creating an entire world in just six days is a Herculean task and all the respect for that. But you might want to look into a couple of things...

Please stop the wars. They’re nasty and tend to kill exactly the wrong people.

Give shelter to the homeless and feed the poor. (Also give them deodorant and make sure that the food is ecologically sustainable, organic and low in carbs. I mean, they're not going to want to get fat, are they?)

Keep all the children safe from all the Gary Glitters out there.

Show people the way to feel grateful for everything they have instead of wallowing in everything they don’t. Feel free to start from me.

Oh,and please make sure that the next girl The Man shags has syphilis.

Good night, God.