My life at the moment is bit of a battle. And black belt from Fendi just isn't enough...
I didn't get an interview with the NGO. Once again the candidates were all highly qualified and competition was fierce.
None of the government agency jobs seem to be going anywhere either. They're currently looking to hire loads of people but haven't secured an interview with them either- even though I've sought to gain relevant experience through all these unpaid internships. Everyone of the people they're having for interviews (even for the starter positions) already have work experience within the agency.
This government agency was my plan C. Where the hell am I going to concoct a career plan D?
The 2-day course I attended hoping to impress the NGO people was futile. I felt so pointless next to all of the other people; with their degrees and titles and all that jazz.I honestly don't know what more to do.
Though apparently I still haven't done enough. There's so much I should learn about, so many issues to familiarize myself with. I should follow the situation in Middle East, navigate the windy waters of source criticism, stay up-to-date on the situation in North Africa and follow reports from UNHCR, Freedom House, Amnesty and HRW. I should learn about the queer theory and form an opinion on boycotting Israel. I should memorize the Alien's Act and analyze the immigration debate. I should be informed about the US presidential election and know what implications the result has for the situation...well, everywhere. I should utilize every employment opportunity in my own country while keeping an eye on jobs overseas.
I'm so tired of everything being such a struggle. Always having to do more to outdo others, the constant pressure to be in the right place at the right time, finding and talking to the right people...
And it's the same bloody thing with love!
I'm in a very dark place right now. A break from blogging might be in order( right now this blog is just about as entertaining as being summoned to a Kabul stadium to watch yet another rape victim being flogged for adultery) Along with break from my own life. I'm so fed up with feeling like a failure- performing well, yet failing to seal the deal.
You are not a failure. By any stretch of the imagination. I know how incredibly frustrating it can be to get passed by time and time again when looking for a job. The way that being turned down repeatedly wounds you, leaving behind scars that are slow to heal and which may need to be wripped open many times before they heal for good.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately for us, life isn't fair, and it may take a lot of time for nice people to stop finishing last.
Just try to remember, that eventually, this darkness will pass as well. Until then, show yourself as much kindness as you can, and try to spend time with people who love you while you piece your battered ego and heart back together. If I had a magic wand I'd make it all better, but until I find one, I'll keep hoping that things start working out for you soon xx