!¤%#"*^&%/%¤#"!"

I was working on a computer. On a Powerpoint- presentation no less. But just in case I had a beer on stand-by. And then the phone call came.

No, it wasn't the good kind. Then again, neither was the beer. It was lukewarm and flat by then.

Keeping with the "shit people say just to make you feel better" - theme the HR person did a wonderful job providing some new material. "All the 4 candidates were outstanding". "I made an excellent second choice". And my favourite: "it was a tough choice". Unfortunately the job itself went for someone with "more substantial database-experience". But overall "I was a very strong contender and should definitely keep an eye on their jobs in the future".

(Now for those readers of sensitive disposition: bad words coming up. And I mean BAD.)

Fuck. Shit. Bollocks. Damn. Crap. Bugger. Arsehole.

Amoeba eating its way through your intestines. Fistula. A drugged-up Congolese child soldier. Puss. Cauliflower.

(OK, so I ran out of actual curse words but those are bad, aren't they?)

I really had my hopes up for this one. What the hell am I going to do now?

I should stay positive, right? So, how about this: in case the other person was so outstanding and qualified, there's a chance (s)he'll be offered another longer-term job soon and I'll be offered this one? Or even better: (s)he'll be hit be a car and dies an agonizing but quick death and I'll be offered the job? 

While the whole first runner-up is oh, so grand at the Miss Universe pageant (oh, come on! who doesn't get goose pumps during the momentous speech "should anything happen to the winner, thus preventing her from assuming her duties as the Miss Universe the first runner up will step in") in real life "an excellent second choice" just sounds an awful lot like "the first loser to miss out on the job". 

So, now what? What are the kind of jobs where I am by far the most qualified candidate? Hebrew phone sex for shoe fetishists?