Ah. The Tiffany key ring. What can I say. Remember last Valentine's Day? When he got me that scarf ring from Hermés? I guess my life as the harmonica-playing monkey in his puppet theatre of evil has conditioned me to find that funny, actually. That it wasn't for my friends though. "Cruel", was their unanimous verdict. "Doesn't he have any idea of just how cruel that is?!" they asked.
Clearly not.
It is a nice key ring though. And it is from Tiffany's. But would I have thrown a tantrum had it turned out to be a diamond-studded engagement ring? Probably not.
One friend in particular didn't feel any need to mince his words. "How much longer are you going to keep on humiliating yourself?" he asked me over drinks. And so, spurred on by approximately 10 more of them (mind you, last time I went out with him I ended up proposing The Man) he decided to stage an impromptu interfriendtion.
Poor Man, he never saw the ambush coming as he came over to pick me up from the bar...
Needless to say, it didn't go too well. Initially my friend's "bad cop, horrendously bad cop"- performance did get The Man talking. But the words that came out of him were the same ones we've heard so many times before. Usually about 15 minutes before yet another break-up. "What I don't want is to feel cornered", he said. "What I don't need is this constant pressure reminding me how you'll only settle for one solution", he continued. At this point I was in tears. But even that didn't stop my friend. "Sort this out, you two", he ordered. "Either get married or go your separate ways. But don't go stringing her along like that- can't you see that she loves you and just wants to be yours? What are you waiting for?!"
"Well, I'm not going to start defending myself to a drunken idiot like that, now am I?" The Man asked on the way home. No, I suppose not. But he didn't even attempt to defend himself to me...
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